Glorfindel's Revenge
by Loser Girl
Summary: Glorfindel takes his revenge upon Arwen ... This fic apparently makes no sense. lol. That's okay. It's Sunday. I'm bored. Leave pretty reviews!
1. Default Chapter

Complete and Utter Nonsense  
(Or: How Glorfindel Feels)  
(Or: Kristin Finally Wrote That Fic Ian's Been Talking About Since The Beginning of Time.)  
  
  
~*~*~*~ A/N: This is a perfectly non-sensical fic. Ian gave me the idea, and I decided to go with it. Why? Because it's 12:15 on a Sunday afternoon and I'm bored. ^.^ Enjoy.*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
It all started with a movie. Well, to be fair, three. But still. That movie started such a hatred, such a.. jealous rage, within one of the fairest of all of Iluvatar's creatures.  
  
Glorfindel was royally pissed.  
  
"Why me?!" he asked himself each day, as he sat in his chamber in Rivendell. "Why her instead of me?!"  
  
The only answer he could come up with:  
  
"It's her breasts," he grumbled. "I bet if I had breasts, I'd have been in the movie."  
  
(Tom Bombadil: Yea!)  
  
It was then; glaring down upon the Princess Arwen, in a state of utter despair and loathing, that he hatched a plan. A plan to kill her.  
  
"She took my horse," he grumbled. "She took Asfaloth, and she took my part. I wasn't even mentioned in the sodding movie!"  
  
It never occurred to Glorfindel that he ought to take it up with Peter Jackson. He chose to blame *her*.  
  
So, one day, when Arwen was walking around looking like the stupid bitty she is, he crept up behind her, and kidnapped her. Dragging her back to his chambers, he got several strange looks from other elves, but they were mostly glad; Arwen did have the most annoying voice ever heard, after all.  
  
"It puts our entire language to shame," mumbled a random elf.  
  
So Glorfindel brought Arwen to his chamber, and tied her to a chair, and tortured her for a while. Each time she asked him why, he came up with a new answer.  
  
"Because you took my horse!"  
  
"Because you weren't supposed to make the flood come!"  
  
"Because that scene with Aragorn on the bridge made me vomit!"  
  
And so on and so forth. Finally, he tired of torturing her, and gave her to some orcs outside Rivendell, in exchange for a lifetime supply of Honey Bunches of Oats.   
  
And thus ended the life of Arwen.  
  
But not the story, for it goes far deeper than that.  
  
Aragorn, saddened by the loss of Arwen, set off in search of a wife. After all, we couldn't have a bachelor King of Gondor, could we?  
  
  
~*~*~* A/N: Yea, I'm insane. Expect the next part... soon. *~*~*~ 


	2. 

~*~*~* A/N: Thanks for your guys' reviews! I was mainly writing this for my own amusement, but I'm glad some other people like it too! *~*~*~  
  
  
And so Aragorn set off in search for a wife. He looked in Rivendell, but all the women there seemed enthralled by Legolas. He quested to Bree, but found the women there to be dreadfully unkempt. And coming from a guy who washes his hair next to never.. that was bad. Then, he pondered The Shire - but all the women there were, well, Hobbits. Finally, he went off toward Rohan and Gondor, hoping that perchance there, he may meet a woman. Any woman. The first woman who looked remotely normal.  
  
As he was walking throughout a garden, he spied a woman. She looked relatively normal, except for, when she looked at him, little hearts appeared in her eyes.  
  
"I am Aragorn," he said, bowing.  
  
"I am Eowyn."  
  
And then, they lived happily ever after.  
  
Well, not exactly. You see, there was the little matter of Eowyn's fiancee, Faramir.  
  
"What am I to do?!" he wailed, as Aragorn led Eowyn away. "A Steward of Gondor cannot be without wife!"  
  
So, of course, he then had to set off and search for one, too.  
  
He looked throughout Minas Tirith and Rohan, but there were none there at all. He resorted to placing Personal Ads.  
  
Steward of Gondor seeks new fiancee, as last one was taken by sodding King of Gondor. Seeking SWF, nonsmoker, likes to walk in gardens and talk about fate of men.   
  
Finally, one day, he got a response in the mail.  
  
With a cry of joy, he set off to meet this lady, in a far away land called Lothlorien.  
  
In short, yes, Galadriel *did* marry Faramir, after a messy divorce with Celeborn.   
  
And they lived happily ever after.  
  
No, wait. Celeborn was still single.  
  
Dammit.  
  
"I am alone!" he cried, sitting on his royal throne as he watched Galadriel and Faramir run off to elope.  
  
Now, this fic becomes one of those self-insertion fics.  
  
"Do not worry, Lord Celeborn!" I cried, as I ran into the throne room.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.  
  
Sniffle. "You don't remember me?"  
  
"Well, no," he said after a moment. Ah.. guess I'd hafta remind him. Nibble nibble on the ears.  
  
"Oooooh," he said as he quavered slightly. "Now I remember you."  
  
"Damn right!" I exclaimed. "C'mon, Elf boi, let's screw."  
  
Blink.  
  
"Okay," he said with a shrug.  
  
Oh, score.  
  
And we live happily ever after.  
  
Yes, we did.  
  
The End.  
  
  
~*~*~ A/N: I know.. I'm insane. Calm down. ^.^ *~*~*~*~ 


End file.
